Category Archives: LOL

REAL ASS VOICEMAIL

So I’m going through my e-mails this morning, just like every morning, to see which early riser clients were trying to ruin my day from the very start. I get through the majority of the correspondences and I was pleasantly surprised to see that no one had yet to rain on my parade! FELT GREAT ABOUT IT. Then I see one that snuck in last night, with the VMAIL KISS OF DEATH label (label indicating it’s a voicemail), which for some reason borderline enrages me because I just hate voicemails. It’s like someone is making me do MORE work than ever necessary.

To me, the king of communication is E-MAIL. If we are e-mailing, and you CALL me, I am either expecting to be:

A. Alerted of an emergency – examples of this include: hostage situation, death, awkward social situation, etc.
or
B. Irrationally irritated throughout the whole conversation that I am convinced could have transpired VIA e-mail.

Don’t get me wrong, sometimes the phone needs to be utilized. I voluntarily dial out around 5-10 times a week, usually for one of the following reasons:

1. Calling my assistant’s extension to tell her something I need done… that for my own reasons could not be adequately conveyed VIA the written word
2. Speakerphone office party with a gal pal
3. The need to verbally scold someone so they know I mean it
4. Talking about anything illegal.

If you really had the need to call someone, and you arrived at their voicemail – I really wish it was standard protocol to just hang up and send an e-mail about what you have to say. Or try again later if necessary. ANYTHING BUT LEAVING A VOICEMAIL!

Anyways, back to my point – this voicemail was really left last night by someone who dialed the wrong number and I cracked up listening to it this morning!

VOICEMAIL: “I’m going to tell everyone I know”

I JUST REALLY RAN ACROSS THIS

CRAIGSLIST is honestly a gold mine of unexpected and great entertainment. Today it provided one of those gems.

This person thinks their paella (that won 2nd place two years ago) is worth an engagement ring.

I can just imagine the exchange … paella guy shows up to a dinner party of sorts with all of his paella ingredients and his runner up ribbon pinned onto his shirt all hopping up and down in excitement that he’s going to barter his paella and then go put a ring on it?!?!

Plus the amount of peas in this picture of his paella are ungodly. What are you doing? It really looks like paella with an Atkins circa 1999 amount of bell peppers and a HEAVY HANDED garnish of peas. It’s just too many peas. Too many.